Kiki’s Korner
Meet Kiki, Abagal’s younger cousin. She always has a story. Kiki’s Korner will provide a stage for Kiki, the fiery unconventional red head, to share her silly life’s quips and anecdotes with all her Abagals.
WEIGHT LOSS SHOULD BE TIED TO A POINT SYSTEM…
Like millions of women, I have been struggling with my weight my whole life. You know the excuse, “I have GOT to get rid of this extra baby weight (the baby is twelve years old) that I’ve been carrying.” I feel like the rules of weight loss are completely bogus! I mean really…who can eat right and exercise ALL the time. That’s no fun and it’s hard as hell. If it were up to me, weight loss would be based on a point system. The more points you accumulate, the more weight you lose.
You should earn points for things like: only ordering the medium sized Blizzard at Dairy Queen as opposed to the large, only eating one sleeve of the Girl Scouts Thin Mints cookies as opposed to eating the entire box, or if you eat the whole box, you spread it out over the course of several hours and even more points for shoveling down a half pan of brownies unnoticed. This should all count for something!
If you go for a week straight and exercise “kind of” each day, this should earn you double points! Taking the stairs should earn triple points in my book. We have new stairs in my house and I thought FOR SURE I was going to lose tons of weight climbing the stairs every day. The only thing that is happening is I can’t breathe and I’m hyperventilating by the time I get to the top of the stairs. Worse yet, my husband mistakes the heavy breathing for the possibility that I’m interested in something other than catching my breath! “Good God man! I am dyin’ over here!”
You should earn points for having a mother who tells you when you are ten months pregnant, “You know dear, Weight Watchers takes pregnant women too!” You should earn points when one of your clients says, “You look about as far along as my daughter” and you don’t have the heart and are too embarrassed (for her and you) to tell her that you are twelve years “farther along” than her daughter!
You should earn points when you break into a sweat while rolling around on the floor trying to get into your Spanx full-body suit. Even more points should come your way when you are in the emergency room by the end of the evening because your circulation has been cut off and you have stopped breathing, all the while managing to look damn good at the party.
If all these things had helped me lose weight, I would be a bean pole. Until this happens, I am going to continue to steal the candy out of my kid’s birthday party goodie bags when they aren’t looking and act like I have NO IDEA where their forty-five pieces of chocolate went!
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